“We were broken up” is one of the best defenses I have heard for cheating on someone. I’m sure you’ve watched Jerry Springer, Steve Wilkos, Jeremy Kyle, Maury, and similar shows. DNA tests, lie detectors, fights, arguments, and cheering audiences. Someone cheats, beats, molests, or uses someone else, and people get excited. What amazes me is the stupidity onstage.
One of the most common “excuses” for cheating is that they weren’t together at the time.
“He was in jail,” when she knew he had a police record and would most likely get caught again. “He was never home for me,” just because he has 4 jobs to support here and she won’t get just one job. “He doesn’t pay attention and spends time with friends and video games,” when he was doing that before they got together.
Sometimes things lead to fights that result in separation for a week or a month. If you look at the fights, many are either for the points I just listed, or they are made up because someone is feeling stressed or just wants a break. They will start a fight to make an excuse to go out on the other person. Perhaps they have been talking to their friends who miss having them around and push them to do it.
All too often, someone will get tempted by another, then cause a breakup to go be with that other person as a test drive or fling, then will come back to the relationship. Or, more deviously, they will post ads on free dating sites like Plenty of Fish or OK Cupid to see if they can find someone. If they are successful. a fight can occur to cause a breakup. Was this planned? Maybe not always consciously, but often it works out that way.
You might find yourself on either side of this issue. Let’s look at the affects this has on the victims involved in this deceit.
If you are in the relationship that breaks up, we know how devastating this can be to you. You think things are fine, then the short break, and return. You most likely won’t even know anything happened during the break. You might think this is victim-less, but now it has opened a door that can be reopened at any time, victimizing you over and over. Once you finally find out, it is too late and the pain stays. The violation, hurt, now distrust and possibly disease picked up from the harlot or gigolo.
If you are the one that is cheated with, you may be assuming you have been chosen for a relationship when you are only a victim of a user, cheater, selfish slut or man-slut. You trusted this person who never had any intention to stay with you, or if s/he does stay with you, how can you trust them once you learn what happened? The same thing can happen to you.
Either way, this person is not worth the sorrow, pain, or continued relationship. It may hurt to let go, but it can hurt more when it happens again. I am not advocating any plan or action. I am simply suggesting that you have the self respect to do what is right for you, not what is easy or what you feel you may deserve for some reason. You are not the one that directly made this happen. Next time maybe you’ll pick up issues and suggest counseling for you and your next partner.
This cheater can play guilt and push things off on you. It is your fault, you brought it on, you made them do it, or you just haven’t given them what they need so that had to look outside your relationship. This is a load of baloney and you should not accept any responsibility for this. Even if you did do something wrong because you did not know better, this person did not communicate and try to work things out. Their best bet was to just leave and keep going, not cheat to feel better then come back.
My choice is to just push the person off and let them have their life by themselves. Yes, it has happened to me a couple times, and I took the upper road and just moved on, even when it hurt. I knew that it would not work out in the long term, and there was no reason for me to accept what happened. I only accepted it as far as a conclusion to the relationship and closed that book.
This worked for me, and I am not advocating anything for anyone else. I just want you to open your eyes and see that you are not at fault and do not have to accept it. How do you think it would go if it was the other way around? There is NEVER any excuse to do this to another person. You may chose to forgive, but you will never forget. It takes so long to build trust, and even longer to rebuild it. Think about this when you think of what is best for you.