I have included some links below to dating sites you might consider, with information, but for right now, I want to cover some details with you about PAID sites.
Many Dating sites use the same database.You will find the same singles on several paid sites, so do not waste your money on more than one at a time. If you really want to pay for membership, just pay for one until you have exhausted your options. You can then try another site and see if that one is tied in with the first.
For instance, there used to be three sites that shared one database. One of the sites was an alternative lifestyle (sex) site, and one was a BDSM site. That meant that women on the “normal” website were propositioned by men that had signed up for the other websites. There were some rude comments and assumptions made by the men. Many women got turned off of dating sites because of this, feeling they were all about sex.
Some sites still share a universal database and boast that they have hundreds of thousands of singles to choose from. These are the same hundreds of thousands of some other paid service. Don’t let them fool you. If you see the same person on multiple websites, it does not mean they paid for each site. They may be in a universal database.
Some people feel paid sites have better singles, perhaps more dedicated because they have to pay, perhaps more affluent because they can afford to pay, or perhaps more respectful because they know others are paying as well. These have not been proven, and I have heard many complaints about the quality of singles on some of these sites. Let’s face the reality.
Paid sites are sometimes the last resort for someone who is frustrated, perhaps bitter, or maybe even just curious but can afford the cost to play. They may just join for a month or a quarter just to feel out the site and “hit up” every single they can and see who responds. I have heard from a few women that they got more sexual propositions on paid sites than on free sites. Other singles told me it made no difference, or maybe even found the same people on the free sites.
We are raised to think that paying for something, or paying more for it, are some indication of the quality and desirability of something. We learn that if many other people are doing something, it is okay for us also. We are also told that if you are serious about something you need to make certain investment or commitment. I am not going to say paid sites are not good. People should try what they think will work for them. I have never paid for a dating site, and have met some wonderful people from the free sites.
They tell you it is FREE to sign up, to create your account, but do not emphasize that to contact someone and participate, you must pay. This leads to hundreds of sign ups every season such as when people get new computers for Christmas, summertime when they want to do activities, and when the weather gets cold and they don’t want to go to events just to meet someone. This looks good because you see all these people, but when you try to contact them you get no response because they don’t pay for their membership.
There were allegations at one time about bots or trickery used to get people to sign up and pay. This meant you might get a fake “contact” from a fake person or the service would tell you there was a message for you, but you have to pay to get the message. This trickery meant you spent money for absolutely nothing. This also happens when scammers contact you. They may pay for an account then contact everyone they can, hoping one or two people take the bait and send them money.
5 important points to keep in mind when dealing with online dating:
1. NEVER SEND MONEY TO ANYONE YOU MEET ONLINE.
There are lots of guys out there that prey upon women looking for love, AND the other way around. They may do it in a passive way, just saying they cannot do something because they just had a streak of hard luck, or mention that their rent is due so they can’t afford something. If they are overseas, they may say they are stuck and need to pay some expenses before they can fly home. I know a woman who was scammed out of thousands of dollars by a guy that said he just needed more money to complete the job he was contracted for then he would pay her back after he got the check for the completed job. Another woman was used as a drop ship location for scammers opening credit accounts to ship items to her for her to forward. I helped her get an attorney and clear things up with the FBI. If you have doubts or want to be sure, ask me about it. I am not an attorney and cannot take responsibility for your subsequent actions based on my statements, but maybe I can point you to someone that can help.
2. DO NOT ARRANGE TO MEET SOMEONE UNLESS IT IS IN PUBLIC.
You can also have a person you arrange to call at a specific time and set your alarm. Do not leave the arranged location until you assess the person you are meeting and make your call. You might also arrange for them to call you later by code word so they can help you get out of your date. Have you seen that TV commercial? This is a good lesson.
3. DO NOT GIVE PERSONAL INFORMATION ONLINE
This is common sense. No matter what is said, do NOT give address, phone, email, bank (even the name), or any other information to anyone. They have no reason to have it or ask for it. Never. This is not something you share with anyone you have not known for a long time.
4. SCAMMERS ASK YOU TO PROVIDE EMAIL OR PHONE INFO TO COMMUNICATE
Scammers know that if they get caught on the dating site, the account will be deleted. They must act fast to get you to communicate with them off the site so they can continue their scam. You will notice the writing style and wording change as time goes on. That is because they use a team of scammers that go through and contact people on their shift to get money. They will NEVER call you by your name. They will call you My Love, Angel, and other names that are common to their work. They will profess their love for you and insist you are the only one for them. When you are contacted, insist they continue to communicate on the dating site. In some cases it may be because they only paid for a month or 3 months of the site subscription. Too bad for them. Stay on the site.
5. THEY MAY ALSO ASK YOU TO DELETE YOUR ACCOUNT WHILE YOU CHAT
This is a way for them to get you to commit to them. While not all of them do this, I have had scammers try this with me. I promise to do it but do not do it. I have not figured out the trick here yet, but will let you know here when I do. To tell you the truth, I don’t feel the reason is as important as just knowing this is one sure way to know they are a scammer. When they lose their account because they were caught as a scammer they can just say they removed their account just like you did, because they feel like they met the right one.
There are many other warnings you should be aware of. I have a post dealing with Safety in Online Dating you should read.
Let me take a moment for scammers. This is an area where I have some experience. I never sent them money, but I have had lots of fun with them. I know a scammer when they contact me. You can tell either from their grammar, their location, or what they ask for. They usually tell you how sexy you are or say they want you to be their love. If things move fast, they are a scammer.
Ask plenty of questions. If they are from out of the area like in another state, don’t bother. If they tell you they are currently out of the country or find excuses not to meet you, drop it. I usually have fun asking questions about where they live.
I use Google Maps to look up their town and ask them questions. I ask their address or the street they live on. I ask about city parks, shopping, types of stores. From big cities I ask if they are near the Costco. I tell them I have been through their town and I remember a big red courthouse building and ask if they ever saw it. lol Just be careful of scammers. As far as reality, we have enough problems with the real singles.
Not everyone knows their own selves. We have a mirror that tells us what we want to see, not what everyone else sees. Asking questions does not give you all the info you need, either. You may forget to ask something.This means you may communicate with someone for quite some time, then when you meet you find out they were not truthful. They may be truthful in their own mind, not intending to deceive.
When you meet in person, you get past the mirror very fast. You might say you are peeking through the looking glass to see the true Wonderland, not the fantasy in his or her head. The first thing we notice is whether they match their profile picture. Some people look better than their pictures, and some look totally different. Most singles use their best picture, one that reflects who they want others to think they are. They may not even realize they do not look like that any more.
Not everyone says what they mean. People tell you how nice things were, you have expectations, then you don’t get a call or they brush you off. I don’t think I have to say any more before you watch this:
Even though we have had 1,500 to 2,000 people contacted for events and fun, paid and free dating sites have many more people signed up for you to view. The problem is these people may just be playing games, or signed up just to see what’s going on so they are not serious, and they will tell you what they want you to know. This is not always the full truth, even if they believe they are being fully truthful.
The nice thing about this group is you don’t have to worry about things like fake pictures, scamming profiles, and improper communications. When you meet someone in person, you get to see them up front, know if they are real, and can walk away if they are not proper. To meet at an event also gives you an option to do things together or decide to be with someone different at the event.
My suggestion is if someone wants to meet you, but you don’t want to commit right away, suggest they come to a Central Coast Singles event. Let them know you will be there and that they can meet you there. That way you can meet them, and if you are not interested, you can both have something else to do without being rude. Let them know about events, and you can just bump into them.
Please be patient as I format the information to post here.
Let me start with a BIG WARNING. There is a website out there posing to be a legitimate dating site. It is NOT real any more. I used this website years ago but now it is nothing but a referrer. If you try to sign up, it will sign you up with a PAY SITE. This FAKE site is Date Hookup. Do not try datehookup.com because it is a waste of time and you are rewarding someone that has no interest in your future.
The big player is PlentyofFish.com where you will find the most singles on the Central Coast. There are probably a couple thousand in our area. I post events there every now and then. I have met a lot of singles from that site, and can vouch that it works. The issue, as with any free site, is that there will be a lot of flakes, weirdos, and deviants on there. This was started by Marcus, a Canadian that wanted to serve singles, but is now run by Match.com.
I met my last partner on OKCupid.com and it went well for a few years. I am just saying that this site can be successful for you and has a good number of local singles from the Central Coast. You may have to expand your area to be sure you find someone. She was living in Santa Barbara when I contacted her.
There is a website called YouDate.com that is totally free to list and contact. The problem is that there are no locals. I scanned through it and only found two on the Central Coast. There were some in the Central Valley and Los Angeles area, so if you are looking for a broader territory, give it a try.
There is another free site called Luv Free. It doesn’t really have a lot of people on the Central Coast, but it does have some so give it a try. It is totally free to set up and contact. I will let you know if I have any success finding people there. A search for local women resulted in ten profiles.
Another one I found a few profiles on is Mingle 2. There are not a lot there, but you can check it out. I will let you know if I get any responses.
I will be adding more as I can.
Meetup groups are out there for different age groups. You can sign up there and attend events with them. Some group events only attract a few people, others might attract more. I was at one event that had about 30 singles attending, which is not bad. This was an older group of singles.
Check online calendars for events you want to attend. Some might be aimed at singles, or some might be a mix but provide a chance to mingle.
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In the meantime, join in on events and sign up for our Central Coast Singles Newsletter. This will assure you will keep in touch and know what is going on. Also LIKE and FOLLOW our Central Coast Singles Facebook Page, then follow Central Coast Singles on Twitter to be sure you get tips and information.